What a difference a year can make! A fresh start, a new place and a feeling of moving in the right direction.
No more stagnation.
New experiences and new surroundings. New people.
And now when I find moments of calm, moments of being less driven as I make progress towards my goals, my mind lands on my kinkier desires and exploring them here in this mecca.
I came across a blog (not updated in over a year) called Topologies written in by three women, all Tops. In one entry called “All Those Sweet Reminders”, the author described the relationship and encounter between her and her favorite Top, a switch who seldom bottoms anymore, but at times does so for her.
Her description of him as her “dirty and bloodied knight,” tore at my heart, igniting and resonating feelings within me.
Dominance, regardless of whatever formal training ‘experts’ think is needed, seemed a natural part of sexual desire to me at a certain age. Desires to be submissive came way way later and I often think due to some sort of periodic emotional fatigue. Hence I embrace “Switch,” as my needs will change when they will.
I like to analyze and I always try to look back to find the trigger or the outside influence that made me desire the things that I desire. Something perhaps that I saw as an adolescent or a child. I never find it. What I always find is the desire first and then the journey to seek on the outside what I already feel within. The journey to immerse myself in the books that feed the inner flame, then the interaction with those online, the roleplay.
Now, books and the internet are only a small few drops of water that hardly quench the thirst. Sometimes they seem more like drops of gasoline over a fire.
I crave experience still. I crave the knowledge. My desire above all here is to learn and grow confident in my own nature. To become tempered steel.
Tempered steel. Wrapped in velvet.
I will make it happen. Slipping a kinky education as easily into my schedule as anything else.